Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
