"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Redeem this text for a blowjob
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
