i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
