party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
