Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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