And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
