omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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