im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He felt like a one man threesome
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
