if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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