I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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