She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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