I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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