I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
