I feel great
I just peed on a car
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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