is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize