ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
