I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
