all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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