Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize