I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
