Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
