He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize