Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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