I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
