Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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