i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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