there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
