I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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