i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
