I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
