I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
