I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize