y did u give ur computer a hand job?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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