goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
