the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
