no, he came in my armpit
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize