Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
