just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
