i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
