So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize