Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Enjoy the penises
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
