saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
