how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
