I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
