Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
