Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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