Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
