I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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