I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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