they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
