it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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