and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
