He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
