You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Alive.
So much puke
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
