I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I need to calm my uterus...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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