does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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