That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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