All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
