She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
