I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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