I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize