Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
