I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
they need to just BURY HIM!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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