I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
