When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize